I watch YouTube and subscribe to a few channels. And I do get a laugh over some of the ‘coaches’ and ‘experts’ out there telling everyone how to do something.
There are a myriad of ‘dating’ coaches telling both men and women how to date. I find it especially hilarious when a man is coaching women, and vice versa. Why? Because it’s all opinion. What you, as man, may think a woman wants this or that, may not be what most women want. It’s just what that coach has assumed. Because, let’s face it, these ‘coaches’ have rarely actually asked the opposite sex what they want. Since everyone has different wants/needs for a relationship, even if you asked 100 people, you would get 100 different answers. I know if some man did some the crap advice these ‘coaches’ spew with me, the date would end before it ever got really started.
A very long time ago (probably before a lot you were born), I used to go out dancing about three times a week. I got very tired of looking like I wanted to dance, waiting for a guy to ask me. So I started asking the guys to dance. Sure, I got a few ‘no thank yous’, but over all, I spent my nights out on the floor dancing, not standing at the rail waiting to be asked. My female friends were aghast. What if he says no? I ‘ll ask someone else. Seriously, how do you think the guys feel? They risk being told no every time they ask a woman to dance. I survived hearing ‘no’ without it affecting my life.
There are no rules you have to follow, though these ‘coaches’ will tell you different. I went on a movie date a while back and we decided one one of us would buy the tickets, the other would buy the popcorn. It worked out very well. Make your own rules and be flexible.
The newest ‘coach’ I ran across was a ‘Nice Guy Recovery Coach’. Are you serious? While it may said that nice guys finish last, I don’t see that is the case. Some women want a nice guy. They like the man who polite, helpful and actually listens to others without feeling the need to make fun or put them down. Being nice doesn’t make a man any less masculine.
All you nice guys (and gals) out there – keep on being yourself. Don’t listen to other people telling you you have be a certain way. If you aren’t being your true self, you are simply being untruthful to person you ask out. How will that play out when you drop the charade of not being so nice? Weird, since it is usually the not-so-people pretending to be nice.
And here’s the big thing. Don’t blow up or spout off if your date says something you think is offensive. Try this – ASK QUESTIONS to understand their point of view. Some of us are very good at putting our foot in our mouth and saying things the wrong way. Some of us don’t listen well (read as pay attention to your date) and only hear part of what was said. I once was making a comparison and all my date heard was one tiny portion of what I said and had a cow without ever asking me what I was talking about.
Remember it’s a date, not a life time commitment. I’m pretty sure if you try, you can sit through a 30 minute coffee date, or an hour meal date if you just try.
While I know things have changed out in the world, some things simply don’t change that much. Listen your self, not a bunch of people on your computer. Be flexible (but not a doormat). It’s okay to soundboard off your friends, but you don’t have to do what they say as gospel. And no, the man does not have to pay for everything. Just make it clear BEFORE you go out (if you phrase the ask out as ‘let me buy you’/’take you out for’, then you have pretty much said you are going to pay). I personally prefer to pay for my own meal/tea. It is far less awkward for everyone.
Get off YouTube, stop complaining about not dating, and go ask that person you sorta like out for coffee and see how it goes.
Who knows? A little conversation may be the start of something good.
Mindfulofchattering 